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Movie Review: Battleship

Friday (the 18th) night, a friend of mine and I went to see Battleship. Yes, the movie based on that game we used to play as a kid. The previews were all about things blowing up and I’m a big fan of these big disaster type movies (my favorites being The Day After Tomorrow and The Towering Inferno). On the scale of The Green Hornet to Gattaca (where GH is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen and Gattaca one of the best), Battleship falls somewhere in the middle, but toward the GH end. The main reason was because the first 10+ minutes (it felt like 20, or longer) was spent on character development for characters who I just didn’t care about. At all. I know, we need to know why Taylor Kitsch’s character behaves the way he does, we need to establish his relationship with Alexander Skarsgård (aka his brother), get him a love interest (Brooklyn Decker) and stoke up a rivalry with the Japanese captain. It just shouldn’t, you know, drag. And it did, a lot. That’s not say that it didn’t have it’s moments, but they didn’t make up for Taylor’s in ability to act, the lack of chemistry between Taylor and Brooklyn and the fact that Skarsgård was totally phoning it in (or trying way, way too hard). One or twice, I turned to my friend and asked her when things were going to start blowing up.

And then Battleship went up on the screen and we knew the action was going to begin. Sort of. It took a bit longer, but eventually things started to blow up and I totally (mostly) forgave the movie for making me sit through all that back story. Because, hot damn, those ships/aliens were awesome. The references to the game battle ship where hilarious, the movie was completely full of cliches, and the acting was, for the most part, pretty crappy. But then again, I was going to see an action movie for the sake of action and not Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy or Midnight in Paris. But the best part of the movie happens when some ships get blown up and the Japanese captain suddenly becomes a central character. He is so kick ass and awesome. Up until that point, though, I was mostly interested in Rihanna’s character (strong, ass kicking woman who is totally fully clothed) and Jesse Plemons (aka Landry from FNL, who played the role of the adorable character you want to live, just because he’s so, well, adorable). And then, well, Tadanobu Asano (aka previous unnamed Japanese captain) managed to act the pants of of the rest of the cast. I don’t know if he did it on purpose or what, but damn, he was great.

In fact, I spent the rest of he movie hoping that he would survive, because it would be just my luck to like the one dude who was going to die before he movie ended. I won’t tell you what happens to him, but I loved his character a lot. I didn’t realize I actually knew him from Thor, so I really need to watch that movie again.

Was it worth the $10 I paid for the ticket? No.
Do I regret going to see it on opening night? No.
Would I recommend it? Yes, but don’t pay full price.

The aliens were awesome, the plot was lame, the things blowing up was pretty damn great and Tadanobu Asano made the whole thing worth while.

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